Never Cruel, Never Cowardly: a Twelfth Doctor Retrospective
Of the classic series, Tom Baker and Sylvester McCoy had been my two favorite Doctors. Of the new series, I was very staunch in David Tennant being my favorite Doctor. I had really enjoyed Matt Smith (although when he was announced as the new Doctor I was furious.) So, I decided to keep an open mind.
Peter Capaldi's first scene was his Doctor yelling at Jenna Coleman's Clara that he had new kidneys, and that he didn't like the color, while looking like his eyes were about to bug out of his head.
His first full episode saw him stark raving mad. Again, I was not impressed. Still, I decided to give him a full series before I formed a full opinion.
At the end of the eighth series I decided that the Twelfth Doctor was okay. He was grumpier than the previous incarnations I was used to, almost to the point of being abrasive. Still, he wasn't awful. Honestly, I preferred Matt Smith.
By the end of the ninth series, I had completely changed my tune. The harshness started to fade away -- not completely, but enough to allow one to warm to the character -- and we got to see some heart. The Twelfth Doctor gave a great anti-war speech in The Zygon Inversion that completely won me over:
The Doctor: You just want cruelty to beget cruelty. You're not superior to people who were cruel to you. You're just a whole bunch of new cruel people. A whole bunch of new cruel people, being cruel to some other people, who'll end up being cruel to you. The only way anyone can live in peace is if they're prepared to forgive. Why don't you break the cycle?I have: Why should we?
The Doctor: What is it that you actually want?
Bonnie: War.
The Doctor: Ah. And when this war is over, when -- when you have the homeland free from humans, what do you think it's going to be like? Do you know? Have you thought about it? Have you given it any consideration? Because you're very close to getting what you want. What's it going to be like? Paint me a picture. Are you going to live in houses? Do you want people to go to work? What'll be holidays? Oh! Will there be music? Do you think people will be allowed to play violins? Who will make the violins? Well? Oh, You don't actually know, do you? Because, just like every other tantruming child in history, Bonnie, you don't actually know what you want. So, let me ask you a question about this brave new world of yours. When you've killed all the bad guys, and it's all perfect and just and fair, when you have finally got it exactly the way you want it, what are you going to do with the people like you? The troublemakers. How are you going to protect your glorious revolution from the next one?
Bonnie: We'll win.
Doctor: Oh, will you? Well maybe -- maybe you will win. But nobody wins for long. The wheel just keepts turning. So, come on. Break the cycle.
Bonnie: Then why are you still talking?
The Doctor: Because I'm trying to get you to see. And I'm almost there.
Bonnie: Do you know what I see, Doctor? A box. A box with everything I need. A 50% chance.
Kate: For us, too.
[The Doctor sighs.]
The Doctor: And we're off! Fingers on buzzers! Are you feeling lucky? Are you ready to play the game? Who's going to be quickest? Who's going to be the luckiest?
Kate: This is not a game!
The Doctor: No, it's not a game, sweetheart, and I mean that most sincerely.
Bonnie: Why are you doing this?
Kate: Yes, I'd like to know that too. You set this up -- why?
The Doctor: Because it's not a game, Kate. This is a scale model of war. Every war ever fought right there in front of you. Because it's always the same. When you fire that first shot, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who's going to die. You don't know who's children are going to scream and burn. How many hearts will be broken! How many lives shattered! How much blood will spill until everybody does what they're always going to have to do from the very beginning -- sit down and talk! Listen to me, listen. I just -- I just want you to think. Do you know what thinking is? It's just a fancy word for changing your mind.
Bonnie: I will not change my mind.
The Doctor: Then you will die stupid. Alternatively, you could step away from that box. You could walk right out of that door, and you could stand your revolution down.
Bonnie: No, I'm not stopping this, Doctor. I started it. I will not stop it. You think they'll let me go after what I've done?
The Doctor: You're all the same, you screaming kids, you know that? "Look at me, I'm unforgivable." Well here's the unforeseeable, I forgive you. After all you've done. I forgive you.
Bonnie: You don't understand. You will never understand.
The Doctor: I don't understand? Are you kidding? Me? Of course I understand. I mean, do you call this a war, this funny little thing? This is not a war. I fought in a bigger war than you will ever know. I did worse things than you could ever imagine, and when I close my eyes... I hear more screams than anyone could ever be able to count! And do you know what you do with all that pain? Shall I tell you where you put it? You hold it tight... Til it burns your hand. And you say this -- no one else will ever have to live like this. No one else will ever have to feel this pain. Not on my watch.
[Kate closes her box.]
The Doctor: Thank you. Thank you.
Kate: I'm sorry.
The Doctor: I know. I know, thank you.
[The Doctor looks back to Bonnie.]
Well?
Bonnie: It's empty, isn't it? Both boxes -- there's nothing in them. Just buttons.
The Doctor: Of course. But you know how you know that? Because you've started to think like me. It's hell, isn't it? No one should have to think like that. And no one will. Not on our watch.
[The Doctor and Bonnie stare at one another for a moment.]
The Doctor: Gotcha.
Bonnie: How can you be so sure?
The Doctor: Because you have a disadvantage, Zygella. I know that face.
Kate: Well, this is all very well, but as know the boxes are empty now. We can't forget that.
The Doctor: No, well, uh... You've said that the last 15 times.
[The Doctor uses his sunglasses, which begin pulsing.]
Bonnie: You didn't wipe my memory.
The Doctor: No. Just Kate's. Oh, and your little friends here, of course. When they wake up, they won't remember what you've done. It'll be our secret.
Bonnie: You're going to protect me?
Osgood: Well, you're one of us now, whether you like it or not.
Bonnie: I don't understand how You could just forgive me.
The Doctor: Because I've been where you have. There was another box. I was gonna press another button. I was going to wipe out all of my own kind. Man, woman, and child. I was so sure I was right.
Bonnie: What happened?
The Doctor: Same thing that happened to you. I let Clara Oswald get inside my head.
[The Doctor looks at Clara.]
The Doctor: Trust me... She doesn't leave.
When Jenna Coleman left at the end of the ninth series I was devastated. The Christmas special that year, The Husbands of River Song was a proper send-off to Alex Kingston's enigmatic archeaologist from the future -- another of my favorites -- and that did little to assuage my heartache.
We waited a year before series 10 aired, but when it did, I was so glad that the Twelfth Doctor was sticking around for another series. Soon after the series started to air, it was announced that Capaldi would be leaving in the Christmas special. My heart broke again. Despite my initial misgivings, I had developed a deep affection for the Twelfth Doctor. In fact, he had surpassed Matt Smith as my favorite Doctor (after David Tennant, of course.)
When I watched Twice Upon a Christmas -- Capaldi's final episode -- I was shrouded in sadness, even though I knew that I already liked his successor, Jodie Whittaker. For me, losing the Twelfth Doctor was like losing a dear old friend. I am so glad that the writers gave him a great ending that was true to his character.
I've learned quite a few life lessons from the Twelfth Doctor.
1. Run like hell, because you'll always need to.
2. Laugh at everything, because it's always funny.
3. Never be cruel, and never be cowardly, and if you are always make amends.
4. Never eat pears -- they're too squishy and they always make your chin wet.
5. Don't be lasagna.
6. Laugh hard.
7. Run fast.
8. Be kind.
9. Never tell anyone your name.
10. Pain is a gift -- without the capacity for pain we can't feel the hurt we inflict.
11. Sometimes, the only choices you have are bad ones, but you still have to choose.
12. Hate is always foolish...and love is always wise.
It is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye. The Twelfth Doctor was a fantastic character, and I will miss him terribly. In his own final words I'll say, "Doctor, I let you go."
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